Unhappy but unwilling to change your circumstances.

Unhappiness in a relationship is usually rooted in a need that is not satisfied. That need is in it's origin a selfish demand for yourself. Does the problem lie with your partner if you cannot find the reason for loving them anymore?  Does the problem lie with you? Did you love that person with the expectation that they are going to change in such a way that you can love them more?

Why is it difficult to recapture that spark that was there in the beginning, yet the spark is lost so easily.

I believe that many couples tend to forget how to be good friends, and friendship is the strongest base for a relationship. We accept our friends as they are, even when we don't agree with something. We do not try to change our friends. We accept when our friends lash out at us and we easily forgive our friends.

What do you do to your partner that you would never do to your closest friend?

Do you insist on sacrifices to be made for you?
Do you demand certain things as an integral part of that relationship?


You would easily get angry with your partner for saying the something that you don't agree with, purely because of the intimacy, you expect your partner to understand and accept and respect how YOU feel about the matter. ( just a little bit selfish?)
However: should the same scenario play itself out between you and your closest friend/friends, you would be willing to stand back and leave it as it is.... after all, the fact that there is two opposing arguments does not change the relationship, and so what if you don't agree.


The problem is that our personal pride and ego is directly affected by our romantic partners and not so much by our friends. People throw certain boundaries, and social rules out the door when they become involved romantically with somebody. Because they love you, you expect the following from them:

1.When you lash out due to frustration and anger, and hurt them (emotionally), they must just look past it.
2. Your partner's forgiveness should be automatic, and you have the right to demand it.

At the same time they expect the same from you. This results in 2 people having all these expectations of each other, and nothing else. This in turn results in a relationship where 2 people constantly look at a check list of their partner's expectations to see what they did not meet. And the result of this is that the relationship becomes more work than natural expressions and emotions. Therefore: "MISSING SPARK".

It is easier to lose that spark than to get it back.......but it can be done, so don't give up hope yet.

The selfish act of love...

The emotion of love is in its basic form a selfish emotion. Most men experience this emotion and act on it only to maintain their own happiness. For that matter , so does most women. Very few people truly know what true love is. How do you know? Just answer the following questions and if any of the answers are YES, you need to look at what your life is really about.

1. Is it your right to be loved back?
2. Is sacrifices from your partner sometimes expected?
3. Is it your right to have demands?
4. Do you need to be put first in everything to feel loved?
5. Are you unwilling to to be rejected even if it means happiness for your partner?


Personally, I feel that if both partners could live their relationship with all the abovementioned answers being NO, both partners will receive exactly what they need to keep each other happpy.
Your partner does not need to find the love in you,and vice versa.
It will just be there for you. Being loved is less work than loving somebody. Being loved is the best way to love.
Try it, you might be surprised.